Eureka! Latest Breakthrough in Homeopathy!

At last, I’ve figured out how to get rich and cure every disease. Writing about homeopathy yesterday got me to thinking. There is a plethora of potential homeopathic remedies not available or used by either conventional medicine or advocates of alternative medicine simply out of blind prejudice: homeopathic pharmaceuticals! Conventional doctors would reject the idea because they have an unreasonable prejudice against the notion that water can cure everything. And homeopaths would probably reject using “drugs” even though they are diluted to the point where there is nothing left but water.

But think about the possibilities! The principle of homeopathy is that whatever causes a given symptom in a proving on a healthy subject will, when diluted and shaken properly, alleviate that symptom in an ill patient. What better source of compounds that cause every imaginable symptom could there be but conventional pharmaceuticals!

Take prednisone, a much maligned steroid. At therapeutic doses in the short term, it can cause an increase in appetite, urination, and drinking. Chronic use can cause thinning of skin, muscle wasting, and infections. So dilute it, shake it and Bingo: Treats the increased urination of chronic kidney failure! Suppresses appetite for weight loss! Builds muscle strength for agility competition! Can even treat infections!

Or how about morphine? Therapeutic doses are very effective for pain but can cause nausea. So homeopathic morphine would treat nausea, but unfortunately anything over about 30C would probably cause unbearable pain!

At last, the solution to all my patients’ problems, and my student loans.

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2 Responses to Eureka! Latest Breakthrough in Homeopathy!

  1. jre says:

    You’d better move fast — the field is filling up!
    As just one example, I regret to inform you that the application of homeopathy to thirst has already been patented by Dr. Boli.

  2. Lisa Preston says:

    “The principle of homeopathy is that whatever causes a given symptom in a proving on a healthy subject will, when diluted and shaken properly, alleviate that symptom in an ill patient.”
    Oh, for pity’s sake. You forgot about smacking the remedy on a leather-bound book between shaking and diluting. No wonder you can’t make homeopathic remedies work.

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